Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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