Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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