Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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