Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
