Your tits are I can't wait for
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
