Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
True college students do jello shots in the library
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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