White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
