I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
You can't motorboat a personality
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
