So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
