I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i already hear my dad disowning me
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
