I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
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