Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
