I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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