Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
