We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
