We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
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