Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
