it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
