remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
