awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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