This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
