Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Randomize
