Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
