You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
that may or may not have been my penis.
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