Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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