i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
