Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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