I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
