okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
