those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
