New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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