apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
