I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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