how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
