Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
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