i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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