I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
