dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
