I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
