i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
