He disabled his match.com account in front of me
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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