Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
