My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
