Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
