why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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