So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
