I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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