i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize
