No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I would fuck him just for his dog
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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