update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
