fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
