guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
